My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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