bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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