her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
