my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
