Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
