It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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