My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
