I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
