Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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