we're blogging at a bar
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
