sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
