My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
