Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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