I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
