Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
