My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
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There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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