I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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