Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
