YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
