I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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