Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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