Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
