she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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