I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
