question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
