def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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