so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
