i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
