My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
