No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
