drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
