So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
