Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
