I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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