Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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