Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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