...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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