I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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