i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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