new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
