are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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