I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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