I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
