He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
