He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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