She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
