3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
