Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
