i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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