People in love make me want to vomit
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
