i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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