Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
