I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
