My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
