i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
