i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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