ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
