i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize