im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
