She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
