i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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