My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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